# Hollywood Squares



## Ferenczy (Sep 9, 2008)

For those of us that remember...


These great questions and answers are from the days when ' Hollywood Squares' game show responses were spontaneous, not scripted, as they are now. Peter Marshall was the host asking the questions, of course...

Q. Paul, what is a good reason for pounding meat?
A. Paul Lynde (About fifteen minutes later): Loneliness!

Q. Do female frogs croak?
A. Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough.

Q. If you're going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should you be?
A. Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.

Q. True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years. 
A. George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes. 

Q. You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman? 
A. Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake. 

Q. According to Cosmopolitan, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think that he is attractive, is it okay to come out and ask him if he's married? 
A. Rose Marie: No wait until morning. 

Q. Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older? 
A. Charley Weaver: My sense of decency. 

Q. In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say 'I Love You'? 
A. Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty. 

Q. What are 'Do It' - 'I Can Help' and 'I Can't Get Enough'? 
A. George Gobel: I don't know, but it's coming from the next apartment. 

Q. As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your hands while talking? 
A. Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing old question Peter, and I'll give you a gesture you'll never forget. 

Q. Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather? 
A. Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily. 

Q. Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get any during the first year? 
A. Charley Weaver: Of course not, I'm too busy growing strawberries. 

Q. In bowling, what's a perfect score? 
A. Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy. 

Q. It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist camps. One is politics, what is the other? 
A. Paul Lynde: Tape measures. 

Q. During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet? 
A. Rose Marie: Unfortunately Peter, I'm always safe in the bedroom. 

Q.. Can boys join the Camp Fire Girls? 
A. Marty Allen: Only after lights out. 

Q. When you pat a dog on its head he will wag his tail. What will a goose do? 
A.. Paul Lynde: Make him bark? 

Q. If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to? 
A. Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark. 

Q. According to Ann Landers, is there anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people? 
A. Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army. 

Q. It is the most abused and neglected part of your body, what is it? 
A. Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused, but it certainly isn't neglected. 

Q. Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what was he trying to do? 
A. George Gobel: Get it in his mouth. 

Q. Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your elephant? 
A. Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant? 

Q. When a couple have a baby, who is responsible for its sex? 
A. Charley Weaver: I'll lend him the car, the rest is up to him 

Q. Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they? 
A. Charley Weaver: His feet. 

Q. According to Ann Landers, what are two things you should never do in bed? 
A. Paul Lynde: Point and laugh


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## hdtvfan0001 (Jul 28, 2004)

!rolling!rolling!rolling!rolling!rolling!rolling

Classics and keepers....sad to say...I heard a number of these in person watching that show. :eek2:


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## turey22 (Jul 30, 2007)

> Q. According to Ann Landers, what are two things you should never do in bed?
> A. Paul Lynde: Point and laugh


This one is funny!


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## paulman182 (Aug 4, 2006)

There aren't many jokes posted on here that get me laughing out loud, but this one sure did!


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## dpfaunts (Oct 17, 2006)

Great humor... to bad everything is too PC to have a show like that today.


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## BubblePuppy (Nov 3, 2006)

Actually, the stars were given the questions and answers beforehand, but were also given the option to ad lib if they wanted to.
Paul Lynde and Charlie Weaver were my favorites. Scripted and/or ad libbed it was a very funny.


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## Ferenczy (Sep 9, 2008)

hdtvfan0001 said:


> !rolling!rolling!rolling!rolling!rolling!rolling
> 
> Classics and keepers....sad to say...I heard a number of these in person watching that show. :eek2:


...same here, right after dinner while sitting with Papaw and a large glass of sweetened iced tea


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## BubblePuppy (Nov 3, 2006)

"Although The Hollywood Squares was a legitimate game show, the game largely acted as the background for the show's comedy in the form of the "zingers", or joke answers, often given by the stars prior to their "real" answer. The show's writers usually supplied the zingers; in addition, the stars were given question subjects and plausible incorrect ("bluff") answers prior to the show. (The show was scripted in this sense, but the gameplay was not, as a contestant's success was based upon knowing whether the celebrity's "real" answer was correct.) In any case, as host Peter Marshall explains at the beginning of the "Secret Square" game, the celebrities are briefed prior to show to help them with bluff answers, but they are otherwise hearing the actual questions as they are asked on air."


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## Henry (Nov 15, 2007)

!rolling:rolling::rolling::rolling::rolling: !rolling


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## Jimmy 440 (Nov 17, 2007)

That show brings back some memories !!!!


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## hdtvfan0001 (Jul 28, 2004)

Apparently even back then...the writers were funnier and celebrities more talented than some are now...

http://www.dbstalk.com/showthread.php?t=159622


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## sideswipe (Dec 4, 2008)

!rolling


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## mxd (Jan 17, 2006)

I'll never forget this one:

Q: Do most women smoke after sex?
Paul Lynde: If they do, they're going too fast.


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