# T-Shirt Slogans



## John Corn (Mar 21, 2002)

*The Joy of Sex*

I Need Somebody Bad. Are You Somebody Bad?

At My Age, Getting Lucky Is Finding My Car in the Parking Lot

Remember When Sex Was Safe and Skydiving Was Dangerous?

*The Battle of the Sexes*

Men Are Like Grapes. If You Stomp on Them and Keep Them in the Dark Long Enough, They Might Turn Into Something That You Would Take to Dinner

My Wife Comes With Instructions -- Lots of Instructions

He Rules the Roost -- But I Rule the Rooster

(On the front) Randolph-Macon Woman's College (On the back) 
Not a Girls' School with No Men, but a Women's College with No Boys.

Never Go to Bed Mad. Stay Up and Fight!

*Parenting Pearls of Wisdom*

I Childproofed My House, But They Still Get In!

We Got Rid of the Kids -- The Cat Was Allergic

Got Pickles? (on a maternity shirt)

Don't Worry, Mom -- It's Just a Phase

You Spend the First Two Years of Their Lives Teaching Them to Walk and Talk -- and the Next 16 Telling Them to Sit Down and Shut Up

*The Joy of Aging*

(On the front) 60 Is Not Old . . . (On the back) If You're a Tree

I'm Still Hot -- It Just Comes in Flashes

I'm Not 50 -- I'm $49.95 Plus Tax

I Know I Came Into This Room for a Reason

Fifty Is the Ultimate F-Word

Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew Up

*Feeling Stressed?*

I Used to Have a Handle on Life, But It Broke

Out of My Mind. Back in Five Minutes

My Reality Check Just Bounced

Cancel My Subscription -- I Don't Need Your Issues

Dangerously Under-Medicated

Madness Takes Its Toll -- Please Have Exact Change

*No Pain, No Gain*

Every Time I Hear the Dirty Word 'Exercise' I Wash My Mouth Out With Chocolate

Physically Pffffft!

*It's One of Those Days*

Some Days You're the Pigeon, Some Days You're the Statue

Earth Is the Insane Asylum for the Universe

Life Is Short -- Make Fun of It

*Travel Fun*

Buckle Up. It Makes It Harder for the Aliens to Snatch You From Your Car

Hang Up and Drive

I Took the Road Less Traveled, and Now Where the Heck Am I?

Welcome to Tennessee -- Set Your Watch Back 20 Years

*Good Advice*

Use Vowels Every Day or You'll Get Consonated

Don't Hate Yourself in the Morning -- Sleep Till Noon

*Ego-Boosters*

I'm Not a Snob. I'm Just Better Than You Are

Live Your Life So That When You Die, the Preacher Will Not Have to Tell Lies at Your Funeral

If You Think Nobody Cares, Try Missing a Couple of Payments

*Pets Rule*

It's My Dog's World. I'm Just Here to Open Cans

Cats Regard People As Warm-Blooded Furniture

A Dog's Parents Never Visit

*What's Your IQ?*

Suppose You Were an Idiot...And Suppose You Were a Member of Congress...But I Repeat Myself

My Mind Works Like Lightning -- One Brilliant Flash and It's Gone

God Must Love Stupid People -- He Made So Many

I Have a Short Attention...

*Making It Big In This World*

I'm Destined for Greatness -- I'm Just Pacing Myself

I Was God's Gift to Women, But I Have Been Rewrapped and Placed on a Closet Shelf

I've Gone to Find Myself. If I Get Back Before I've Found Me, Please Keep Me Here

*Bless Me, Father*

Protons Have Mass! And I Didn't Even Know They Were Catholic
Heck Is Where People Go Who Don't Believe in Gosh

*Retirement*

Retirement -- Twice as Much Husband for Half as Much Money

Before You Can Be Old and Wise, You Must First Be Young and Stupid

Retired -- I Was Tired Yesterday and I'm Tired Again Today

My Back Goes Out More Than I Do

Retired -- Know It All and Got Plenty of Time to Tell You About It


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## Unthinkable (Sep 13, 2002)

:lol:


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## Nick (Apr 23, 2002)

Old Age - when I know the answers, 
but nobody asks the questions.

Seen on the back of a young girls shorts:
Stop looking 
at my BUTT!


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## Nick (Apr 23, 2002)

I dedicate this t-shirt to the ex-roommate:

"*I go from 0 to ***** 
in 1.6 seconds!*"

Fortunately for me, I could go from 
'recliner' to 'out-the-door' in 1.2 seconds!


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## Danny R (Jul 5, 2002)

Worn by a Biker (I saw this just yesterday):

If you can read this shirt, the ***** fell off.


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## Adam Richey (Mar 25, 2002)

I bought one a week ago that said, "I'm as confused as a hungry baby in a topless bar." I know it's not appropriate for most places, but I love it. LOL


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