# It's Murder



## Richard King (Mar 25, 2002)

Subject: : MURDER AT WALMART

MURDER AT WALMART
Tired of constantly being broke & stuck in an unhappy marriage, a young husband decided to solve both problems by taking out a large insurance policy on his wife with himself as the beneficiary, and then arranging to have her killed.
A 'friend of a friend' put him in touch with a nefarious dark-side underworld figure who went by the name of 'Artie.' Artie explained to the husband that his going price for snuffing out a spouse was $5,000.

The husband said he was willing to pay that amount, but that he wouldn't have any cash on hand until he could collect his wife's insurance money. Artie insisted on being paid at least something up front, so the man opened his wallet, displaying the single dollar bill that rested inside. Artie sighed, rolled his eyes, & reluctantly agreed to accept the dollar as down payment for the dirty deed.

A few days later, Artie followed the man's wife to the local Super Wal-Mart store. There, he surprised her in the produce department & proceeded to strangle her with his gloved hands. As the poor unsuspecting woman drew her last breath & slumped to the floor, the manager of the produce department stumbled unexpectedly onto the murder scene. Unwilling to leave any living witnesses behind, ol' Artie had no choice but to strangle the produce manager as well.

However, unknown to Artie, the entire proceedings were captured by the hidden security cameras & observed by the store's security guard, who immediately called the police. Artie was caught and arrested before he could even leave the store.
Under intense questioning at the police station, Artie revealed the whole sordid plan, including his unusual financial arrangements with the hapless husband who was also quickly arrested.
The next day in the newspaper, the headline declared...

(You're going to hate me for this...)

*'ARTIE CHOKES 2 for $1.00 @ WAL-MART!'*
Oh, quit groaning!
I don't write this stuff.
I receive it from my warped friends then send them on to you.


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## pfp (Apr 28, 2009)

it's cute


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## dmspen (Dec 1, 2006)

I first heard a variation of this in 1970. That's how old this is...yet it remains strangely current and relevant.


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## dbconsultant (Sep 13, 2005)

People in my office are wondering why I'm sitting here laughing!

!rolling:rolling::rotfl:


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## matt (Jan 12, 2010)

dbconsultant said:


> People in my office are wondering why I'm sitting here laughing!
> 
> !rolling:rolling::rotfl:


I am wondering why too...


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## hdtvfan0001 (Jul 28, 2004)

!rolling....good one.


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## dbconsultant (Sep 13, 2005)

matt1124 said:


> I am wondering why too...


Cuz I thought it was funny!!! I love groaners!


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## scroll (Apr 10, 2010)

well tried :rolling:!rolling


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## matt (Jan 12, 2010)

I just realized this was posted by a mod... can I brown nose and change my reply to:

:rolling: :rolling: BAHAHA! :rolling: :rolling:


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## mystic7 (Dec 9, 2007)

I think I heard Shelly Berman tell this one in the Catskills back in '68...


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