# Seriously?



## jodyguercio (Aug 16, 2007)

These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place. 


ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning? 
WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?' 
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you? 
WITNESS: My name is Susan! 
____________________________________________ 

ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact? 
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks. 
____________________________________________ 

ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active? 
WITNESS: No, I just lie there. 
____________________________________________ 

ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all? 
WITNESS: Yes. 
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory? 
WITNESS: I forget. 
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot? 
___________________________________________ 

ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo? 
WITNESS: We both do. 
ATTORNEY: Voodoo? 
WITNESS: We do. 
ATTORNEY: You do? 
WITNESS: Yes, voodoo. 
____________________________________________ 

ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning? 
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam? 
____________________________________ 

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he? 
WITNESS: He's twenty, much like your IQ. 
___________________________________________ 

ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken? 
WITNESS: Are you sh*ting me? 
_________________________________________ 

ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th? 
WITNESS: Yes. 
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time? 
WITNESS: getting laid 
____________________________________________ 

ATTORNEY: She had three children, right? 
WITNESS: Yes. 
ATTORNEY: How many were boys? 
WITNESS: None. 
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls? 
W ITNESS : Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney? 
____________________________________________ 

ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated? 
WITNESS: By death. 
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated? 
WITNESS: Take a guess. 

____________________________________________ 

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual? 
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard. 
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female? 
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male. 
_____________________________________ 

ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney? 
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work. 
______________________________________ 

ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people? 
WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight. 
_________________________________________ 

ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to? 
WITNESS: Oral. 
_________________________________________ 

ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? 
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m. 
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time? 
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished. 
____________________________________________ 

ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample? 
WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question? 
______________________________________ 

And the best for last: 

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? 
WITNESS: No. 
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure? 
WITNESS: No. 
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing? 
WITNESS: No. 
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? 
WITNESS: No. 
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor? 
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. 
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless? 
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.


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## Stuart Sweet (Jun 19, 2006)

Oh dear.


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## xIsamuTM (Jul 8, 2008)

I so need to get a copy of this book


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## fluffybear (Jun 19, 2004)

The wife is set to begin working on her Law degree this fall, this book sounds like a must


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## dave29 (Feb 18, 2007)

Thats funny right there......


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## hdtvfan0001 (Jul 28, 2004)

I've talked to some of those attorneys...right before they got locked up in the looney bin....they claimed we had no case....I claimed they no longer needed one where they were going....


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## tcusta00 (Dec 31, 2007)

Oh boy. I have an attorney friend who would appreciate this book very much. :lol:


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## Greg Alsobrook (Apr 2, 2007)

Funny stuff...


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## Grentz (Jan 10, 2007)

lol, some funny ones in there. The sad thing is lots of those "stupid" questions actually do have to be asked in the fun world of law. I could never be a lawyer 

and for those interested in the books there are 3 now:
http://www.amazon.com/Disorder-Court-Bob-Terrell/dp/0914875442/ref=pd_bxgy_b_text_c
http://www.amazon.com/Disorder-Court-Fractured-Moments-Courtroom/dp/0393319288/ref=pd_bxgy_b_text_b
http://www.amazon.com/Disorderly-Conduct-Excerpts-Actual-Cases/dp/0393319261/ref=pd_bxgy_b_text_c


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## Rob-NovA (Jan 10, 2008)

Wow, just wow...


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## TSR (Feb 7, 2009)

Awesome quotes...


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