# The English Language....



## Richard King (Mar 25, 2002)

The English Language ( and this does't even include homonyms. )

1) The bandage was wound around the wound. 
2) The farm was used to produce produce. 
3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse. 
4) He could lead if he would get the lead out. 
5) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present 
the
present. 
6) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum. 
7) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes. 
8) I did not object to the object. 
9) The insurance was invalid for the invalid. 
10} They were too close to the door to close it. 
11) The buck does funny things when the does are present. 
12) The wind was too strong to wind the sail. 
13) After a number of injections my jaw got number. 
14) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear. 

Let's face it - English is a crazy language. 

There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; 
neither apple nor pine in pineapple. 
English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France. 
Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat. 

We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that 
quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square, and a guinea pig is 
neither from Guinea nor is it a pig. 
And why is it that writers write but 
fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce, and hammers don't ham? 
If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth? 
One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? 
One index, 2 indices? 
Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend. 

If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what 
do
you call it? 

If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? 
If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? 

Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum 
for the verbally insane. 
In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? 
Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? 
Have noses that run and feet that smell? 
How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, 
while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? 

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can
burn up as it burns down, 
in which you fill in a form by filling it out, 
and in which an alarm goes off by going on. 

English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity 
of the
human race, which, of course, is not a race at all. 

That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, 
but when the lights are out, they are invisible. 

PS. - Why doesn't "Buick" rhyme with "quick"?


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## Nick (Apr 23, 2002)

Why is it we drive on a _park_way and park in our _drive_way?

Why do some city parks not allow parking?

Why does your boss dress you _down_, then write you _up_?

Why do we still call it 'english'?


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## Richard King (Mar 25, 2002)

What's body english?


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## Martyva (Apr 23, 2002)

i think that french fries did come from France, but the work French fries originated here.


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## EricG (Mar 28, 2002)

*Why is it we drive on a parkway and park in our driveway?
*

Also stolen from Gallagher:

Why do the call 'em buildings when they're already built? They ought to call 'em _builts_.

Why are they Cowboys? Cows are girls. Bulls are boys. They ought to be _Cowgirls_ and _Bullboys_.

Why do they call it a BUST when it stops right before the thing it's named for?


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## Nick (Apr 23, 2002)

Why do they call a woman's attributes
a bust in the first place? If she is
well-endowed it should be called a
"boom", as in "boom or bust". On the
other hand, a less well-endowed 
or flat-chested pair should be called a
"bust". Why is a drug raid called a
"bust", and if you get caught, you're
busted. If you're broke, you're
"busted" If you're rich and they make
one of those funny torso-less
half-statues of you, even if it's a good
likeness, it's still a bust (see above) 
even if you're not well endowed?

Now I've confused myself. 


The Nickster :smoking:


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## MarkA (Mar 23, 2002)

I agree, the official world language should be Spanish Actually, no I don't. English rules!


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## Steve Mehs (Mar 21, 2002)

If pro is the opposite of con, what's the opposite of congress?


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## MarkA (Mar 23, 2002)

Ahh Steve, progress, an oldie - but still a goodie


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