# Red Neck Challenge



## Bogy (Mar 23, 2002)

I am sick and tired of hearing about how dumb people are in the South and I challenge any so-called smart Yankee to take this exam: 

1. Calculate the smallest limb diameter on a persimmon tree that will support a 10 pound possum. 

2. Which of these cars will rust out the quickest when placed on blocks in your front yard? 
(A) '65 Ford Fairlane 
(B) '69 Chevrolet Chevelle, or 
(C) '64 Pontiac GTO. 

3. If your uncle builds a still, which operates at a capacity of 20 gallons of shine produced per hour, how many car radiators are required to condense the product? 

4. A woodcutter has a chainsaw, which operates at 2700 RPM. The density of the pine trees in the plot to be harvested is 470 per acre. The plot is 2.3 acres in size. The average tree diameter is 14 inches. How many Budweisers will be drunk before the trees are cut down? 

5. If every old refrigerator in the state vented a charge of R-12 simultaneously, what would be the percentage decrease in the ozone layer? 

6. A front porch is constructed of 2x8 pine on 24-inch centers with a field rock foundation. The span is 8 feet and the porch length is 16 feet. The porch floor is 1-inch rough sawn pine. When the porch collapses, how many hound dogs will be killed? 

7. A man owns a Tennessee house and 3.7 acres of land in a hollow with an average slope of 15%. The man has five children. Can each of his grown children place a mobile home on the man's land and still have enough property for their electric appliances to sit out front? 

8. A 2-ton truck is overloaded and proceeding 900 yards down a steep slope on a secondary road at 45 MPH. The brakes fail. Given average traffic conditions on secondary roads, what is the probability that it will strike a vehicle with a muffler? 

9. A coal mine operates a NFPA Class 1, Division 2 Hazardous Area. The mine employs 120 miners per shift. A gas warning is issued at the beginning of the 3rd shift. How many cartons of unfiltered Camels will be smoked during this shift? 

10. At a reduction in the gene pool variability rate of 7.5% per generation, how long will it take a town which has been bypassed by the interstate highway to breed a country and western singer? 

I betcha thought that test was gonna be an easy one, didn't you?
It's okay if you didn't do all that well. Just goes to show you... There's a hole heap
of things that big city book learning don't prepare you for in this life.

As an added bonus for taking the "******* CHALLENGE" here's some Southerly
advice that may come in handy down the road a piece... Next time you are too drunk to drive, walk to the nearest pizza shop and place an order. When they go to deliver it, catch a ride home with 'em.


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## Laverne (Feb 17, 2005)

!rolling

That's just about the funniest thing I've read in awhile!


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## JM Anthony (Nov 16, 2003)

Good stuff, Bogy. Thanks for sharing.

John


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## bobsupra (Jul 12, 2002)

I'm still doing the math, bogy. Is the answer 6-pack?


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## Bogy (Mar 23, 2002)

bobsupra said:


> I'm still doing the math, bogy. Is the answer 6-pack?


Always.


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## Laverne (Feb 17, 2005)

I thought it was one fifth!


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## Bogy (Mar 23, 2002)

Nah, 'shine comes in quarts. Sometimes gallons.


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## tomcrown1 (Jan 16, 2006)

Bogy said:


> I am sick and tired of hearing about how dumb people are in the South and I challenge any so-called smart Yankee to take this exam:
> 
> 1. Calculate the smallest limb diameter on a persimmon tree that will support a 10 pound possum.
> 
> ...


And the answer is------------------------------


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## Geronimo (Mar 23, 2002)

One of the most stereotypical ******** I know works on automatic transmissions. excuse me but his momma did not raise a dumb child.


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## greatwhitenorth (Jul 18, 2005)

Geronimo said:


> One of the most stereotypical ******** I know works on automatic transmissions. excuse me but his momma did not raise a dumb child.


"Everyone makes fun of ******** until their car breaks down!"-Larry the Cable Guy


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## Bogy (Mar 23, 2002)

Larry the Cable Guy grew up in Omaha Nebraska, where he attended a private school.


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## greatwhitenorth (Jul 18, 2005)

Just shows "*******" is a state of mind, not just the state of Alabama,,,


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## Bogy (Mar 23, 2002)

He can turn "*******" off and on like a light bulb. His state of mind is concerned with his millions, not his politics.


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## DonLandis (Dec 17, 2003)

******* answer to #5
All the frigerators in the state are still on sulfur dioxide gas so no ozone layer affected in 278 years by R12 if these frigerators leaked. Don't yet have no modern R12 frigerators.


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## Neil Derryberry (Mar 23, 2002)

Refrigerator? You mean icebox.


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## Laverne (Feb 17, 2005)

[sigh..]

He didn't say '_RE_frigerator'. He said 'Frigerator'. There IS a difference.


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## alorarosalyn (Mar 31, 2006)

Icebox! It is an Icebox! I have called them that all my life. My husband is determined to break me of the habit of calling it that, but I cannot help it! And if I say refrigerator, I say frigerator.


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## Nick (Apr 23, 2002)

Who from the area remembers the local ATL radio personality by the name of _"Red Neckerson"_? 
He was one of many whackos who dropped in on the Ludlow Porch radio show. Another one that
comes to mind is _"Miss Kitty Litter"_ who always co-hosted the Annual Tucker Daze Flip-Flop Parade.


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## Bogy (Mar 23, 2002)

Everybody knows the thing that keeps food cold is a fridge.


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