# Tombstone Sayings



## Unthinkable

Harry Edsel Smith of Albany, New York:
Born 1903-Died 1942
Looked up the elevator shaft
to see if the car was on the way down.
It was.

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In a Thurmont, Maryland, cemetery:
Here lies an Atheist
All dressed up
And no place to go.

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On the grave of Ezekial Aikle
in East Dalhousie Cemetery, Nova Scotia:
Here lies Ezekial Aikle, Age 102.
The Good Die Young.

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In a London, England cemetery:
Here lies Ann Mann,
Who lived an old maid
But died an old Mann.
Dec. 8, 1767

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In a Ribbesford, England, cemetery:
Anna Wallace:
The children of Israel wanted bread,
And the Lord sent them manna.
Old clerk Wallace wanted a wife,
And the Devil sent him Anna.

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In a Ruidoso, New Mexico, cemetery:
Here lies Johnny Yeast.
Pardon me
For not rising.

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In a Uniontown, Pennsylvania, cemetery:
Here lies the body of Jonathan Blake.
Stepped on the gas
Instead of the brake.

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In a Silver City, Nevada, cemetery:
Here lays The Kid.
We planted him raw.
He was quick on the trigger
But slow on the draw.

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A lawyer's epitaph in England:
Sir John Strange.
Here lies an honest lawyer,
And that is Strange.

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John Penny's epitaph in the Wimborne,
England, cemetery:
Reader, if cash thou art In want of any,
Dig 6 feet deep; And thou wilt find a Penny.

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In a cemetery in Hartscombe, England:
On the 22nd of June,
Jonathan Fiddle Went out of tune.

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Anna Hopewell's grave
in Enosburg Falls, Vermont
Here lies the body of our Anna -
Done to death by a banana.
It wasn't the fruit that laid her low,
But the skin of the thing that made her go.

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On a grave from the 1880s in Nantucket,
Massachusetts:
Under the sod and under the trees,
Lies the body of Jonathan Pease.
He is not here, there's only the pod.
Pease shelled out and went to God.

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In a cemetery in England:
Remember man, as you walk by,
As you are now, so once was I.
As I am now, so shall you be.
Remember this and follow me.

To which someone replied by writing
on the tombstone:

To follow you I'll not consent
Until I know which way you went.


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## Nick

Here lies old Nick
a helluva a guy,
the last word he 
spoke was "Goodbye"


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## Neil Derryberry

Here lies xxxxx,
we'll miss him for sure,
his greatest achievement - 
room temperature.


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