# Handy Dictionary to decipher Personals Ads....



## John Corn (Mar 21, 2002)

WOMEN'S ADS 
40-ish...................... 49 
Adventurer.................. Slept with all your friends 
Athletic.................... No boobs
Average looking............. Has a face like a basset hound 
Beautiful................... Pathological liar 
Contagious Smile............ Does a lot of Ecstasy 
Educated.................... Banged her Political Science professor 
Emotionally Secure.......... Medicated 
Feminist.................... Fat ballbuster 
Free spirit................. Junkie 
Friendship first............ Trying to live down reputation as a slut 
Fun......................... Annoying 
Gentle...................... Comatose 
Good Listener...............Borderline Autistic 
New-Age..................... All body hair, all the time 
Old-fashioned............... Lights out, missionary position only
Open-minded................. Desperate 
Outgoing.................... Loud and Embarrassing 
Passionate.................. Sloppy drunk 
Poet........................ Depressive Schizophrenic 
Professional................ Certified ***** 
Redhead..................... Bad dye-job 
Reubenesque................. Grossly Fat 
Romantic.................... Looks better by candle light 
Voluptuous.................. Very Fat 
Weight proportion w/ height. Hugely Fat 
Wants Soulmate.............. Stalker 
Widow....................... Drove first husband to shoot himself 
Young at heart.............. Old bat 


MEN'S ADS 
40-ish................ 52 and looking for 25-yr-old 
Athletic.............. Watches a lot of NASCAR 
Average looking....... Unusual hair growth on ears, nose, & back 
Educated.............. Will patronize the **** out of you 
Friendship first...... As long as friendship involves nookie 
Fun................... Good with a remote and a six pack 
Good looking.......... Arrogant 
Very good looking..... Dumb as a board 
Honest................ Pathological Liar 
Huggable.............. Overweight, more body hair than a bear 
Likes to cuddle....... Insecure mama's boy 
Mature................ Older than your father 
Open-minded........... Wants to sleep with your roommate but she's not interested 
Physically fit........ Does a lot of 12-ounce curls 
Poet.................. Wrote ex-girlfriend's # on a bathroom stall 
Sensitive............. Cries at chick flicks 
Very sensitive........ Gay 
Spiritual............. Got laid in a cemetery once 
Stable................ Arrested for stalking, but not convicted 
Thoughtful............ Says "Excuse me" when he farts


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## Steve Mehs (Mar 21, 2002)

:lol:


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## Nick (Apr 23, 2002)

GUYS:

Enjoys long walks on a moonlit beach....serial killer
Father figure......pedophile
Financially Independent ......gets social security check on the 1st of every month
Goes from jeans to tux......wears baggy T-shirt and urine-stained briefs around the house
Handyman......all thumbs, but can call a plumber
Let me take care of you.....needs to borrow money
Loves children.......pedophile
Loves sailing.....rode Staten Island ferry once
No baggage........has amnesia
Ready to settle down......_not_ ready to settle down
Will love your kids as my own.....pedophile
Enjoys the night life....downloading porn 'til 3:00 a.m.
Take charge kind of guy....maxed out on all 27 credit cards

GALS:

Slender.....anorexic
Petite....dwarf
Statuesque....Andre' the giant
Ready for commitment....needs to be committed
Marriage-minded....wants to avoid being deported back to Yemen
Loves city lights....streetwalker
Loyal....needy - very, very needy
College graduate....from six-week beauty college course
School teacher.....currently screwing a 14 year old boy
Loves to dance.....stripper
Enjoys quiet times together.....won't speak to you for weeks at a time
Loves long walks on the beach.....suicidal

Nickster :smoking:


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