# How to Feel Smarter in 60 Seconds...



## Nick (Apr 23, 2002)

...Just Read This:

Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?

Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because i f we were supposed to
live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever,"

_-- Miss Alabama during the 1994 Miss USA beauty pageant_

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"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but
cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff."

_-- Mariah Carey_

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"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life,"

_-- Brooke Shields, during an interview to become Spokesperson for an anti-smoking campaign_

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"I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body,"

_-- Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward_

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"Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country,"

_-- Marion Barry, Mayor of Washington, DC_

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"I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president."

_-- Hillary Clinton, commenting on the release of subpoenaed documents_

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"That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I'm just the one to do it,"

_-- A Texas congressional candidate_

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"Half this game is ninety percent mental."

_-- Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark_

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"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it."

_-- Al Gore, Vice President_

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"I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix."

_-- Dan Quayle_

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"We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?"

_-- Lee Iacocca_

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"The word "genius" isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein." -

_-- Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback & sports analyst_

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"We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of people."

_-- Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instructor_

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"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure."

_-- Bill Clinton, President_

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"We are ready for an unforeseen event that may or may not occur."

_-- Al Gore, Vice President_

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"Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come from overseas."

_-- Keppel Enderbery_

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"Your food stamps will be stopped on March 1 because we received notice that you passed
away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances."

_-- Department of Social Services, Greenville, South Carolina_

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"If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as they go to bed and it will monitor
their heart throughout the night. And the next morning, when they wake up dead, there'll be a record."

_-- Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman_

,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

....feeling smarter yet?


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## FTA Michael (Jul 21, 2002)

If you're going to use political quotes, why not bring out stuff that's more recent?

Although they're funny no matter who said them, these quotes actually all came from the same individual.

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"We -- first of all, there is -- the globe is warming. The fundamental debate, is it manmade or natural. Put that aside."

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"We got an issue in America. Too many good docs are gettin' out of business. Too many OB/GYNs aren't able to practice their -- their love with women all across this country."

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"Our nation must come together to unite."

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"Americans should be prudent in their use of energy during the course of the next few weeks. Don't buy gas if you don't need it."

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"Sometimes when I sleep at night I think of 'Hop on Pop.' "


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## Nick (Apr 23, 2002)

carload said:


> If you're going to use political quotes, why not bring out stuff that's more recent?


At least I _tried_ to put a smile on your unhappy face.  What have you contributed lately??? 

Besides, I don't have any more recent stuff -- I'm old and feeble, remember! :stickman:

Obviously, someone around her doesn't have a well-developed sense of humor. :whatdidid That's not my fault! :lol:


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## Richard King (Mar 25, 2002)

Nick said:


> Obviously, someone around her doesn't have a well-developed sense of humor. :whatdidid That's not my fault! :lol:


Around who? And why is she to blame?


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## Nick (Apr 23, 2002)

here


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## Phil T (Mar 25, 2002)

See, that spell check doesn't always work.


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## FTA Michael (Jul 21, 2002)

Sorry for the lack of sense of humor. I had to resort to Google's PigeonRank (http://www.google.com/technology/pigeonrank.html) technology to find the quotes. Sometimes those birds don't get it.


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## Nick (Apr 23, 2002)

Phil T said:


> See, that spell check doesn't always work.


It works! Her is a word -- it's just the wrong word. 

It's all those damn pigeons! :grrr:


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## Nick (Apr 23, 2002)

Cancel that.










Thanks, boys. :lol:


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## invaliduser88 (Apr 23, 2002)

And why the heck would they put them in such neat rows?


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## Bogy (Mar 23, 2002)

Nick said:


> At least I _tried_ to put a smile on your unhappy face.  What have you contributed lately???
> 
> Besides, I don't have any more recent stuff -- I'm old and feeble, remember! :stickman:
> 
> Obviously, someone around her doesn't have a well-developed sense of humor. :whatdidid That's not my fault! :lol:


What is your problem Nick? Didn't you find carload's quotes funny? Don't you have a sense of humor? He just contributed some new material to your post and all you can do is whine and gripe. Sheesh.


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## Geronimo (Mar 23, 2002)

"Can't you people learn to live together?"


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