# In The Movies



## Nick (Apr 23, 2002)

In The Movies

First, the Movie Rating System Explained:

*G*.......Nobody gets the girl.

*PG*.....The Good Guy Gets The Girl.

*R*.......The Bad Guy Gets The Girl.

*X*........Everybody Gets The Girl.

Things that only happen in the movies...

Any computer system can be hacked in 60 seconds, or 30 seconds if a bomb is about to explode.

Phones always wait to ring during a lull in conversation...

and the call is always relevant to the scene...

and there's no call-waiting.

No one ever thinks of a better comeback to an insult the next day.

If you meet someone and arrange to go on a date, you'll offer to pick them up tomorrow at eight, but never exchange addresses or phone numbers.

Rogues are always lovable and endearing.

All combat is eventually resolved hand-to-hand.

The bad guys attack one at a time.

Small, fast people can beat up large, strong people.

When you punch or kick someone, they go flying across the room or out the window.

Getting thrown through a window is merely a minor annoyance.

Likewise falling down stairs.

Stalking a woman makes her fall in love with you.

The dumbest, most annoying, most bumbling character will be a white male.

Breaking the rules always turns out well.

Anyone can jump a 10-foot chain-link fence with minimal effort (unless a dog is in pursuit).

95% of computers are Macs.

Cars are always clean, even if they're old and busted.

Pedestrians are never hit during a car chase.

Getting shot once anywhere by any gun will knock you down.

Old people are amazed and confused by the antics of young people.

White people are amazed and confused by the antics of black people.

Caves and tunnels will never be pitch black, but will always be lit by concealed, indirect lighting.

If you turn off the lights in a room at night, lights outside a window will turn on.

It's easy to chop off a head or limb with one blow...

and to cut through armor...

and to jump onto a horse while wearing armor...

and to run around in armor.

Animals are invulnerable.

Kids are smarter than adults.
Kids can drive cars.
Kids can beat up adults using karate.
Kids are always good judges of character.

High school students can be up to 25 years old...

and still wear their backpacks on one shoulder.

Only bad guys smoke anymore, except sleazy hookers can smoke too.

There are no ugly women, except homeless bag ladies with frumpy clothes and bad hairdos.


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## Chris Blount (Jun 22, 2001)

Good stuff Nick. :lol: :lol: :lol:


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## Danny R (Jul 5, 2002)

_Animals are invulnerable._

Noticed this one just last week when watching Domino. Woman tells her dog to attack, and we see main characters level a shotgun at it and fire. Amazingly enough dog survives by dropping into hole made by gun and running away.


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## Chris Blount (Jun 22, 2001)

There is probably one that should be added to the list.

Nobody ever says "goodbye" at the end of a phone conversation.


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## Nick (Apr 23, 2002)

If a woman answers the phone and the caller is silent, she will say "Hello" over and over again until she screams it into the phone then slumps down in a convulsion of tears.


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## bobsupra (Jul 12, 2002)

Additional observations:

If a show is successful, there will be a copy done by another network.

They never get telemarketing calls.

The all have DSL, no dial-up modem noise.

A guest on the late night show(s) is there to promote a movie, book, or record.

The evening national news will have a short report at the end of the show that is in reality a promo for a 60 minutes/Dateline/etc. show later that night.

Vanna White will always look 30ish.

You never see the brand of beer, wine or liquor they're drinking.

While there might be a reference to a date (month/day), the year won't be said so they can do reruns.

No one has just a regular ole mutt.

Lights don't burn out.

And, as Bruce said:

Well now home entertainment was my baby's wish
So I hopped into town for a satellite dish
I tied it to the top of my Japanese car
I came home and I pointed it out into the stars
A message came back from the great beyond
There's fifty-seven channels and nothin' on


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## Steve Mehs (Mar 21, 2002)

Some things I’ve noticed from a lot of TV watching 

Cell phones have dial tones
Local Channels broadcast on channels 69-99
Phone numbers always start with 555
Octets in an IP address go beyond 255
DBS dishes are usually DirecTV/Voom style in that the LNB does not have the extra plastic housing
In CSI/Numbers where every calculation the computer executes there is a high pitched beep. Let’s scan a finger print through AFIS. beep, beep, beep.
Why is 99% of the finger prints already in AFIS?
In the CSI series they use Nextel, I've seen about a million goof ups when they two way
In an episode of CSI you have the ‘Luna Cable’ Company install satellite dishes, this was last season, long after the death of HITS. 
Shootouts where there’s a gun in each hand cocked at an angle 
Multiple times I’ve seen characters in various shows drink ‘Fountain Doo’ or ‘Fountain Due’
A shot with a half a dozen high end 21”+ LCD monitors with out screen savers

I do like product placement, it makes shows more normal. Having the characters eat Kellogg’s Fruit Loops at breakfast is better then Brand X Fruity O’s. Having an IPod in Medium a few weeks ago, PS2 in Six Feet Under and many shows mentioning sites like Google, Map Quest and eBay by name makes the story more realistic for me. And in lab and office environments I frequently see the Dell and HP logos branded into monitors or the side of towers.


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## jpurkey (May 15, 2003)

Steve Mehs said:


> DBS dishes are usually DirecTV/Voom style in that the LNB does not have the extra plastic housing


I find it funny when the sun is directly behind the dish. Or when the time of day is known the sun is still not where it should be if the dish is pointing anywhere south. Or when someone is adjusting the dish there is snow on the TV screen, similar to a bad analog signal. (I believe I saw that in a Malcom in the Middle episode.)


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