# A guy walks into a bar...



## Stuart Sweet (Jun 19, 2006)

Let's start a thread with your favorite "a guy walks into a bar" jokes.

A guy walks into a bar, he's got his dog with him. 

Bartender says, you can't have that dog in here. 

Guy says, You don't get it, this is a talking dog. 

Bartender says, ok you prove that he stays. Otherwise you're both out. 

Guy says OK dog, what's on top of a house. 

Dog says, Roof.

Guy says OK dog, what's my name. 

Dog says, Ralph.

Guy says OK dog, who was the greatest baseball player who ever lived.

Dog says, Ruth. 

Bouncer comes over, gives the guy the heave ho. Picks up the dog, then the dog looks back at the bartender, he says, 

Maybe I shoulda said Dimaggio!


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## tomcrown1 (Jan 16, 2006)

Maybe Berry Bonds???


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## Nick (Apr 23, 2002)

Guy walks into a bar with a baseball bat...


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## smiddy (Apr 5, 2006)

I never found out the end of this one from Breakfast Club, if I can remember it:

A guy walks into a bar.

He has a three foot salami under one arm and a blond in the other...

<crash>

He falls through the ceiling tiles.

Does anyone know how that finishes or if I'm even close?


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## Upstream (Jul 4, 2006)

A guy walks into a bar.

He says "Ouch."


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## Upstream (Jul 4, 2006)

A mushroom walks into a bar.

The bartender says, "You have to leave. We don't serve mushrooms here."

The mushroom says, "Why not? I'm a fun guy."


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## Upstream (Jul 4, 2006)

A horse walks into a bar.

The bartender says, "Why the long face?"


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## Carl Spock (Sep 3, 2004)

A minister, a priest and a rabbi all walk into a bar.

The bartender says, "What is this, some kind of joke?"


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## Upstream (Jul 4, 2006)

A dog limps into a bar, with a bandage on one leg.

He says to the bartender, "I'm looking for the man who shot my pa(w)."


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## Carl Spock (Sep 3, 2004)

_These are actually pretty easy jokes to write:_

A Trekkie walks into a bar.

The bartender says, "Does your mom know you're out and in a bar?"

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

A DirecTV customer walks into a bar.

The bartender offers him $200 but he can drink only in this bar for two years.

The customer says the other bartender offered him a better deal.


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## Upstream (Jul 4, 2006)

smiddy said:


> I never found out the end of this one from Breakfast Club, if I can remember it:
> 
> A guy walks into a bar.
> 
> ...


A naked blond walks into a bar with a two foot salami under one arm and a poodle under the other. The bartender says, "I guess you'll be needing a drink."

<crash>

There is no punchline. The joke was made up for the movie.

So what would the punchline be?

_The blond replies, "Drinking is how I ended up like this."_

_The poodle replies, "That's my third wish."_


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## Upstream (Jul 4, 2006)

Carl Spock said:



> A DirecTV customer walks into a bar.
> 
> The bartender offers him $200 but he can drink only in this bar for two years.
> 
> The customer says the other bartender offered him a better deal.


:lol: :lol: :lol:

(Actually it is more like the bartender offered to sell him a drink for $200 and told him he can drink only in this bar for two years.)


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## kocuba (Dec 29, 2006)

Two men walk into a bar. The third ducks.


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## Carl Spock (Sep 3, 2004)

A guy walks into a bar carrying a bag. He asks the bartender if he can drink for free if he provides the music. The bartender agrees and so the guy pulls a small piano out of the bag, followed by a little man, barely a foot tall. The little man sits down at the piano and starts to play. He's a wonderful piano player and singer, and entertains the bar for over an hour.

Before they leave, the bartender asks the guy as to where he found the piano player. The guy says he was walking along the beach and found a lamp buried in the sand. Rubbing the lamp, a genie appeared and granted the man a wish. "Too bad the genie was hard of hearing," says the guy. When the bartender questions why, the guy replies, "You don't think I would ask for a twelve inch pianist?"


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## jkane (Oct 12, 2007)

A termite jumps up on a bar and says ...

Is the bar tender here?


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## Carl Spock (Sep 3, 2004)

Earl walks into a bar. Before he orders a beer, he puts on a pocket protector filled with three pens, a mechanical pencil and a black fine line marker. When the bartender asks him why, Earl says, "I drink like an engineer."


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## Stuart Sweet (Jun 19, 2006)

Stuart walks into a bar but no one sees him... only his shadow.


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