# Sensible Observations



## veryoldschool (Dec 10, 2006)

When I die, I want to die like my grandfather--who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car."
--Author Unknown
Advice for the day: If you have a lot of tension and you get a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle: "Take two aspirin" and "Keep away from children."
--Author Unknown
"Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar."
--Drew Carey
"The problem with the designated driver program, it's not a desirable job, but if you ever get sucked into doing it, have fun with it. At the end of the night, drop them off at the wrong house."
--Jeff Foxworthy
"If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant's life, she will choose to save the infant's life without even considering if there is a man on base."
--Dave Barry
"Relationships are hard. It's like a full time job, and we should treat it like one. If your boyfriend or girlfriend wants to leave you, they should give you two weeks' notice. There should be severance pay, the day before they leave you, they should have to find you a temp."
--Bob Ettinger
"My Mom said she learned how to swim when someone took her out in the lake and threw her off the boat. I said, 'Mom, they weren't trying to teach you how to swim.'"
--Paula Poundstone
"A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study: "Duh."
--Conan O'Brien
"Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant?? I'm halfway through my fish burger and I realize, Oh my God.... I could be eating a slow learner."
--Lynda Montgomery
"I think that's how Chicago got started. Bunch of people in New York said, 'Gee, I'm enjoying the crime and the poverty, but it just isn't cold enough. Let's go west.'"
--Richard Jeni
"If life were fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead."
--Johnny Carson
"Sometimes I think war is God's way of teaching us geography."
--Paul Rodriguez
"My parents didn't want to move to Florida, but they turned sixty and that's the law."
--Jerry Seinfeld
"Remember in elementary school, you were told that in case of fire you have to line up quietly in a single file line from smallest to tallest. What is the logic in that? What, do tall people burn slower?"
--Warren Hutcherson
"Bigamy is having one wife/husband too many. Monogamy is the same."
--Oscar Wilde
"Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress.. But I repeat myself."
--Mark Twain
"Our bombs are smarter than the average high school student. At least they can find Afghanistan ."
--A. Whitney Brown
"You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog will give you a look that says, 'My God, you're right! I never would've thought of that!'"
--Dave Barry
Do you know why they call it "PMS"? Because "Mad Cow Disease" was taken.
--Unknown, presumed deceased
"Everybody's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer."
-- W. C. Fields
Better to keep your mouth shut and be thought a fool than to open it and remove all doubt.
-- Mark Twain
I am rather inclined to silence, and whether that be wise or not, it is at least more unusual nowadays to find a man who can hold his tongue than to find one who cannot.
--Abraham Lincoln


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## tcusta00 (Dec 31, 2007)

veryoldschool said:


> Do you know why they call it "PMS"? Because "Mad Cow Disease" was taken.
> --Unknown, presumed deceased


!rolling 
!rolling
!rolling
!rolling


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## veryoldschool (Dec 10, 2006)

tcusta00 said:


> !rolling
> !rolling
> !rolling
> !rolling


[Sadly] this was my best: 
"Our bombs are smarter than the average high school student. At least they can find Afghanistan ."
--A. Whitney Brown


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## Draconis (Mar 16, 2007)

veryoldschool said:


> I am rather inclined to silence, and whether that be wise or not, it is at least more unusual nowadays to find a man who can hold his tongue than to find one who cannot.
> --Abraham Lincoln


I'll add one to the list, it seems to relate.

Better to keep your mouth shut and be thought a fool than to open it and remove all doubt.
--- Mark Twain


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## tcusta00 (Dec 31, 2007)

veryoldschool said:


> [Sadly] this was my best:
> "Our bombs are smarter than the average high school student. At least they can find Afghanistan ."
> --A. Whitney Brown


Kinda like that Miss Teen USA girl - "I personally believe that U.S. Americans are unable to do so because some people out there in our nation don't have maps."


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## veryoldschool (Dec 10, 2006)

Draconis said:


> I'll add one to the list, it seems to relate.
> 
> Better to keep your mouth shut and be thought a fool than to open it and remove all doubt.
> --- Mark Twain


Yes I've heard that one before so....


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## Richard King (Mar 25, 2002)

tcusta00 said:


> Kinda like that Miss Teen USA girl - "I personally believe that U.S. Americans are unable to do so because some people out there in our nation don't have maps."


She should have listened to Mark Twain.


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## veryoldschool (Dec 10, 2006)

Richard King said:


> She should have listened to Mark Twain.


First she'd need to learn who he was. :lol:


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## tcusta00 (Dec 31, 2007)

veryoldschool said:


> First she'd need to learn who he was. :lol:


Like, such as, a NASCAR driver, probably, like such as, most U.S. Americans think.


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## veryoldschool (Dec 10, 2006)

tcusta00 said:


> U.S. Americans


There is another type of American?  :lol:


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## tcusta00 (Dec 31, 2007)

veryoldschool said:


> There is another type of American?  :lol:


According to the Miss Teen USA Contestant mentioned above there needed to be a qualifier. :lol:


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## Pink Fairy (Dec 28, 2006)

Man that is so sad.

I know I am ditzy, but good lord.


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## Upstream (Jul 4, 2006)

veryoldschool said:


> There is another type of American?  :lol:


It is common in Mexico use the terms "U.S. Americans" and "Mexican Americans" to highlight the fact that Mexico is part of North America.


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