# Male Sex Test (rated R)



## John Walsh (Apr 22, 2002)

1. In the company of females, intercourse should be referred to as:

a) lovemaking
b) screwing
c) the pigskin bus pulling into tuna town

2. You should make love to a woman for the first time only after
you've both shared:

a) your views about what you expect from a sexual relationship
b) your blood-test results
c) five tequila slammers

3. You time your orgasm so that:

a) your partner climaxes first
b) you both climax simultaneously
c) you don't miss SportsCenter

4. Passionate, spontaneous sex on the kitchen floor is:

a) healthy, creative love-play
b) not the sort of thing your wife/girlfriend would ever agree to
c) not the sort of thing your wife/girlfriend need ever find out about

5. Spending the whole night cuddling a woman you've just had
sex with is:

a) the best part of the experience
b) the second best part of the experience
c) $100 extra

6. Your girlfriend says she's gained five pounds in weight in the
last month. You tell her that it is:

a) No concern of yours
b) not a problem, she can join your gym
c) a conservative estimate

7. You think today's sensitive, caring man is:

a) a myth
b) an oxymoron
c) a moron

8. Foreplay is to sex as:

a) appetizer is to entree
b) primer is to paint
c) a line is to an amusement park ride

9. Which of the following are you most likely to find yourself saying at
the end of a relationship?

a) "I hope we can still be friends."
b) "I'm not in right now, please leave a message at the beep."
c) "Welcome to Dumpsville, population, YOU."

10. A woman who is uncomfortable watching you masturbate:

a) probably needs more time before she can cope with that sort of intimacy
b) is uptight and a waste of time
c) shouldn't have sat next to you on the bus in the first place

If you answered "a" more than 7 times,
check your pants to make sure you really are a man.
If you answered "b" more than seven times, 
check into therapy, you're still a little confused.
If you answered "c" more than 7 times,
"YOU DA MAN!"


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## Steve Mehs (Mar 21, 2002)

C all the way


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